In the beginning there was wargaming. Board games and miniatures. Much of it was solitaire play. Finding gamers was not easy. Then in high school there was a weekly game night that two of us--that is, the only wargamer I knew--established a weekly wargame night with some adults we met. That was in addition to routine wargaming. In college, we had lots of gaming without an established night for it.
And post-divorce, I re-established a monthly wargame night that evolved into a Catan-only game night with the Beejorians.
This fourth Game Night at Beej's is still standing!
Game Night at Beej's has a number of sacred relics and rules that we generally abide by. Those who fear attending Game Night may wish to study the following traditions and relics.
The Eleven Catanments
Thou shalt not discuss politics at Game Night, which is a quest seeking sanctuary from that silly place.
Thou shalt not place the robber on another player's hex when open spaces are available; but thou shalt snuffeth the point leader with the robber. Judge thy transition point carefully, lest ye be snuffethed.
Thou shalt not trade with players within 3 points of victory.
Thou shalt not seek the longest road. Verily, let the longest road seek you.
Thou shalt snuffeth Joe with the robber.
Thou shalt not drive home inebriated.
Thou shalt honor thy card stacks ("Daving" the cards):
Thou shalt not put an umbrella in liqueur drinks to mocketh the drinkers.
Thou shalt watch Game of Thrones after gaming.
Thou shalt not hold a grudge from previous Game Nights.
Thou shalt write the game recap when you host Game Night.
Yes, our Catanments go to eleven. Because we needed that extra push to attain our level of gaming purity.
[Note, there is controversy amongst the faithful. Some believe a catanment, "Thou shalt not let Joe win" is a separate catanment. I believe it is in fact an extreme form of the fifth catanment and a especially enthusiastic violation of the tenth catanment. That it is a twelfth catanment is not Game Night canon.
Game Night has a number of sacred relics that allow players to snuffeth their foes.
The Ark of the Probability
The dice gods are fickle. "Probability" can be bent by their whims and furies. When buffeted by the ill favor of the dice gods, it is best to call for Brother Maynard to bring up the Ark of the Probability to choose new dice untainted by the whims and furies of the dice gods.
The Tower of Dice
The Tower of Dice magnifies the blessings, whims, and furies of the dice gods who may foil your rolls or devastate your settlements, cities, and roads if you play craps with your fate by rolling by hand. Fail to use it at your peril. You can see video of its mysterious inner workings here.
The Smiling Poop
Avert your eyes, puny gamers! The smiling poop ("The Poop") confers power upon the holder who may act as Klaus (probability be upon him) commands while its visage gazes upon the holder, in its wisdom. But when the poop is relinquished to the player to your left, all powers to act are ended and passed to the receiving player. Ponder well the true finality of your turn before passing the poop.
The Shield of Spillage
The purpose of the shield of spillage should be self-evident, It protects the huge tracts of land on the map from the errant dice rolls (but the dice tower!), bumps, and spillage of mere human players. But with the shield, all injuries are but flesh wounds.
The Icon of Game Night
When placed at the entry way, the icon of Game Night affirms that the location is as foretold by the email prophecy, and that all members of the list are welcome. Remember, your favorite color is blue.
The Holy Game of Trinity Dimensions
Played only for the select four who attend on special Game Nights (such as the birthday of Klaus, June 25, probability be upon him). Thou shalt count to three players, but only if thou then immediately proceedeth to four. Five is right out.
The Full Metal Beer Can of Catan
There are many beers, but this beer is Game Night's.
The Catan Meme Slide Show
There is no illustration of the entire Catan meme slide show extant. The entirety is seen only at in-person Game Nights at Beej's. You can see individual memes on the monthly game recaps, however.
Mega Catan!
Mega Catan is nearly a mythical entity that no Catan player has actually experienced. But it exists! It was inspired by the one time we actually had seven players, which exceeded even the expansion kit capacity. But photographic evidence of the game that can handle 8 players exists. Behold Mega Catan in all its glory! It's got huge ... tracts of land!
Another not quite relic and not quite tradition exists at Game Nights at Beej's.:
Ito Night
Ito Night is a rare treat for Beejorians and approaches sacred meal status. It is composed of all food ending in "ito" or "eto." Tacquitos, Doritos, Cheetos, and Fritos are the core of the menu.
Thus armed with this lore and knowledge, we beseech all members of the Game Night list to ride to Game Night, whether in-person, or virtually while the plague stalked Catan. Attendance for playing or mere merriment is encouraged, although a French maid's costume is recommended but not required for the latter.
But perhaps I've shared too much.
It is a silly place, we've been told.
It's was just a virtual game. For awhile. But we're back at the castle! And the menu is close enough to accurate. After all this, I'm sure you will be tempted to stay a bit longer, eh?
I believe the Poop is passed to the left - counterclockwise as it was from the beginning. However, if Settlers of Catan is played south of the Equator, the Poop goes counterclockwise in keeping with toilet flushing science.
ReplyDeleteAnd the comments about the Robber and Joe are incorrect. They are but rumors propagated by rogue players.
I stand corrected Joe.
ReplyDeleteIn my defense I was reading the rules in the original German as Klaus intended. I have a way to go on mastering that language.